photo by Ali Hamad/APA
When the genocide began I started writing daily notes. The notes, many of them handwritten in various notebooks, were disconnected lines, images, stories I’d read or heard. Some of them evolved into poems, included in this collection; but it wasn’t until Day 167 that — having heard about a mother who was able to save one of her children but not the others, and a doctor who was saving the amputated limbs of wounded children, putting the limbs into boxes labeled with their names — I felt the urgency to document these tragedies in a whole poem every day, and that is what I will do until the genocide ends.
I intend to keep writing until the ceasefire is permanent — until Palestine is free.
Day 908
From deep under the earth
a mother is calling
to her children.
Don’t come to me! she
is crying, her voice
muffled by layers of dead
above her, beneath her.
By ravaged soil, by
the roots of everything
trying to grow. Are you
warm enough? Are you
eating enough? she’s
calling. Are you taking care
of your brothers? Your
grandfather? she asks
the older ones. Stay
where you are, or leave
if you need to leave! Remember
to look vigilantly
around you, to watch
for snipers. To watch
the sky. To watch
for rips in the tent, for
insects in the food, for
rashes, swellings, fevers.
Remember I’m with you
even when I’m not.
Day 907
What he wants is a bicycle.
His father spends nights
thinking how he’ll collect
wheels, gears, broken
pieces of metal, rubber strips, portions
of chains, to make his son a bicycle.
He’d been going to buy one
before everything happened.
The boy had learned
on his cousin’s bike; when
his cousin was killed, the bike
went with him. Metal and blood
in the dirt, pieces of flesh
caught in the spokes, no way
of telling which part of his cousin
they’d come from. What the boy wants
is a bike to ride speeding
on streets that are gone, over fields
that have been destroyed, soil
ploughed by bombings. As though
the bicycle, riding over them, could
restore them. As though its tires
could stream some magical glue
that binds together grasses, shops,
sidewalks. Lives. Memories.
Day 906
She succumbed days later,
the elderly woman
shot when soldiers opened fire.
Succumbed. Gave in
at last to her wounds. Gave in
to the death that was tugging,
tugging at the hem of her dress
like a hungry animal
begging for food. She
had lived eighty years,
even more. Had worked,
cooked, given birth.
She had danced and celebrated,
loved and grieved. She
should have had time
to gather her fragmented thoughts,
to savor the jasmine
beginning to bloom
along broken roads. To look up
at the consistent stars, to say goodbye
to sweetness and sorrow,
take the measure of each.
Calculate which had the greater part.
Day 905
Children are singing
in a large tent. They’re
singing a song about birds:
fly fly fly little birds
up high in the sky.
One girl, maybe
twelve years old,
sings solo on the verses:
her pure clear voice
rings out over the heads
of the others, past
the nylon panels
of the tent, into the air
outside saturated
with death and sewage.
Her voice is like
the birds she sings
about. It soars
over all that’s broken,
ruined, lost. Goes out
beyond the wreckage
of lives. Beyond grief.
Beyond desperation.
The chorus of others
echoes it, supports it.
Fly fly fly. May she —
may all of them —
stay alive. May they,
for this moment,
leave anything behind
that might hold them down.
Day 904
If your tent collapses
these young people
will put it back up,
tape rips in the panels,
tie it to other tents. If
the mud around your tent
is so deep you slip on it
when the rain lets up
and you dare go out,
they’ll go down to the beach,
bring back pails of sand
to absorb the water.
If you need water to drink,
to cook with, to bathe
your infant with, they’ll
get it from the water truck.
They’re kids, they
should be in school.
They should be playing soccer
in the afternoons. They
should be dancing, laughing.
Many of them have lost
parents, are living
in tents with other kids’
parents. Call out their names.
What else
can they do now but help?
What else, under a sky
still crossed with drones,
under the eyes of snipers,
in the spring just beginning
to burst into blossom,
green shoots coming up
unfathomably,
through the sludge of winter,
feces, rotting flesh.
Day 903
What can I tell you, child,
about your father? He was tall.
Strong. Could lift heavy boards
and pipes when he built our house.
His hands were large. When
he held you or your brothers,
you felt safe. Enclosed in love.
What can I say about how
he died? He was doing nothing.
He was sitting on a pile of broken
stones, looking up at the sky.
The bullet fired at him
struck him in the neck. He died
without knowing what happened.
He died without being able
to say goodbye to any of us.
He would have taken us
in his sturdy arms, held us
each for a long time. You can
imagine that now: a tall man
you wouldn’t recognize, since
you were just months old
when he was martyred.
Do you feel at moments
that something protects you?
Something helps you stand up
when you fall? Imagine
large hands clasped
around your shoulders,
your waist. Warm. Comforting.
Day 902
A man and his child
are walking along a road.
They’re going to buy sweets.
The child is small, 21 months.
Walking so well! So happy! Out
with his father. Then
the soldiers come. Begin
interrogating the man.
The child stands. Watches.
The father: anxious, confused,
he has no answers for them.
One of the soldiers
grabs the child. Picks him up.
Snuffs out his cigarette
on the child’s leg. Now
will you answer us? he shouts.
Burns the child’s leg
again, tells the father
that he will keep hurting the child
util the man gives him
what he is asking for. The father
has no information for the soldier.
Horrified. Paralyzed,
feeling his child’s pain.
Another soldier drives a sharp
instrument into the child’s
other leg. Punctures it deeply,
again, again. Torture and fear
contend in the child’s
small body, on the dusty road
among piles of rubble. The vile
inventory of cruelty
silences the man’s words,
the child’s cries.
Day 901
All this time
when you’ve looked
at the sky, you’ve seen
not birds or clouds, not
sunlight or approaching rain,
but threat: drones. Planes
with their lethal cargo.
When you’ve looked
at the ground, you’ve seen
not grass pushing up
nor rich, moist soil,
but a crypt. A graveyard.
An open maw
swallowing many
you’ve loved.
All this time
when you’ve walked
through the streets
you’ve seen them
as though they were dreams
of what they were —
lively, colorful —
now shrouded in dust,
collapsed. Their sounds
muffled, fragrances
gone into one sole stench
of rot. And your children —
so thin, subdued — their faces
marked with the death
they live with, the death
they dread at every turn,
so that, even alive,
they are ghosts
of themselves. Ghost-pale,
ghost-numb, ghost-silent.
Day 900
for Hala Al-Khatib
You were about to be married.
The road you took
to your new family’s home
went past the cemetery
where martyred family members
were buried. You wept,
thinking about your happiness,
your new life about to begin.
Then the bombings came.
The furniture you’d spent
all your savings on
was reduced to rubble
months after you’d bought it.
You slept with your groom
in a tent on a roof,
lay together on someone’s
living room floor. Everything
you owned was lost. So many
loved ones. And yet you continue:
you write your articles. Your poems.
You work at building a life
from nothing. From darkness
you wake, in darkness
you start your day. Begin again.
begin again. How many times?
Day 899
All day he goes back and forth
to and from the place
where he can fill his buckets
with water. Water
for his mother, his sisters
and brothers. Water
for his grandfather,
who can’t walk anymore.
Water for the couple
in the next tent: the man
with a missing leg, his wife
blinded in an explosion.
All day the boy walks
with his buckets, empty
and full and empty again.
Once he studied math,
thought he’d become
an architect, dreamed
of designing buildings
his father and uncles
would build. Then
his father was killed,
his uncles. All these things
he thinks about as he does
his rounds: getting, delivering
water. When the sniper,
hiding, lying in wait,
knowing exactly
where the boy
will pass, shoots him —
first in the leg, then
between the eyes — the boy’s
first thought is, “What
will Grandfather do now
to wash?” It’s also
the last thought he has
in this world.