photo by Ali Hamad/APA
When the genocide began I started writing daily notes. The notes, many of them handwritten in various notebooks, were disconnected lines, images, stories I’d read or heard. Some of them evolved into poems, included in this collection; but it wasn’t until Day 167 that — having heard about a mother who was able to save one of her children but not the others, and a doctor who was saving the amputated limbs of wounded children, putting the limbs into boxes labeled with their names — I felt the urgency to document these tragedies in a whole poem every day, and that is what I will do until the genocide ends.
I intend to keep writing until the ceasefire is permanent — until Palestine is free.
Day 926
The street you lived on
was lined with trees,
tall trees whose shade
you were grateful for
in summer. Trees
you could climb, trees
whose young leaves
unfolded, light green,
then darkened. The street
you lived on was filled
with people, voices
you heard as you fell asleep,
comforting. Familiar.
Sounds of cooking, lids
being put on pots, plates
being laid on tables.
Music. Cats
who would greet you
when you passed
on the way to school.
An old man who walked
with his dog every morning
and afternoon. The street
you lived on had a
particular curve,
a way the pavement
rose and then fell,
a smell, a name
you could find it by.
How will you find it now?
Day 925
The father’s body
is wrapped around the body
of his small son.
Blood stains both
of their clothing. The child,
three, has been killed
in the street, standing
quietly with his father
when a vehicle near them
was bombed. Now
the child is dead
and the father, alive.
Alive and wailing,
alive and sobbing.
They had been going
to a wedding. The child
would have been dressed
by his father in clothes
for the wedding, but now
he’ll be dressed in a shroud.
He’ll join the thousands
of children dressed now
in shrouds. Under
the earth, a whole
country of children.
Why why screams the father,
but there is no why. The moment
he lets go of his son
and forever after, his arms
will be empty.
Day 924
Two brothers dead
in the same moment,
the same bombing.
Two brothers who played
together, studied together,
ate together, took care
of their younger siblings together,
now lie together in separate graves.
Two brothers who loved and fought,
two brothers who consoled
each other, argued for each other.
Are their parents, their sisters,
alive to grieve them? To
speak about how
they could not save each other?
How funny they were, how full
of mischief? How neither of them
would have wished
for the other to join him
here, in the sightless company
of moles and worms.
Here, in darkness below darkness.
Here, in silence surrounding silence.
Day 923
An elderly woman, frail,
thrown by a soldier
against the wall of her house.
She dies hours later:
internal injuries. Her family
stunned. A young man,
already dead, shot by a sniper,
stripped, lies naked
in the street in a pool
of his own blood. A van
filled with laughing, joking Israelis
runs over his body. Again. Again.
Crushing his silent
bones, bruising
his already open flesh.
A three-year-old
shot in a market,
a nine-year-old in her classroom.
Others killed in a café.
The weeks a litany of brutality.
A father wailing, wailing
in agony
at the murder
of his young son. Do we wonder
at all that his cries
do not reach the enemy?
Day 922
She dreams of a horse
that can carry her
over the rubble, rise up
above it
until they arrive
at a green place, a place
with fruit trees and flowers,
a place like her grandfather’s farm
before everything happened.
She dreams of a bird
large enough, strong enough
to soar over ruined cities
with her on its back,
until they come to a place
where her school still stands,
where her friends
are alive and waiting
for her, where they shout
her name, take her hands,
pull her into their game.
She dreams of her mother
breathing, speaking,
walking with her
to the edge of the sea,
the smell of salt
mixed with the smell
of her mother’s hair.
She dreams their feet
are washed by the tide.
She dreams there are
no bombs, no drones, no warplanes.
No corpses. No severed limbs.
Only the unending sound of the waves
coming in, receding.
Day 921
Later this soldier
will brag to his friends
how many he killed: thin,
hungry dogs in the street,
dogs who once belonged
to someone; lost now,
abandoned, scavenging
for food. Target practice,
the soldier thinks: practice
for when the three teenage boys
turn the corner, laughing, chatting
with one another. He shoots.
Two killed instantly. One
collapsed in the street, heavily wounded.
The soldier saunters off, lighting
a cigarette. A witness
picks up the living boy,
carries him, screaming, to a hospital.
Meanwhile the two others
lie still. Two boys,
thirteen and fourteen: their blood
mingling with the blood
of the dogs, who, like
the children, had done nothing
to catch the soldier’s eye.
Had just been going
about their day.
Day 920
No bread. No water. No
formula for the baby. And
if there were formula, there
would be no water
to mix it with. And if
there were formula
and water but no
bread, how long
would your other children
be able to keep eating?
And how then, you ask
yourself, will you keep them
alive? The baby is crying.
She cries day and night.
Her sisters attempt
to comfort her, but comfort,
too, has run short. Sleep,
you whisper to her, sleep.
At least if you’re
sleeping you won’t be aware
of the hunger.
Day 919
for Shuruq Abu Sukran
A photograph hung on a string
in her small tent
shows her standing, smiling.
Another time. Now, at 25,
her legs have been lost
to the genocide, which took
her husband as well, left her alone
with her small boy
and unable ever to stand
or leave the tent. Someone
has brought her a large bowl
of water. She sits, her gone legs
invisible under her long skirt,
smiling at her two year old
who’s helping her wash
his clothes. Smiling, he holds
one end of the shirt they’re washing.
Shujaiya. Their whole life
bombed. Neighbors
who bring food, take the boy
outside the tent to play
with the orange soccer ball
on top of a box
behind them. Is this
what they’ve preserved
from everything they knew? A few
blankets, a long skirt,
an orange ball?
Day 918
for Ritaj Abdul Raouf Rihan
She carried a school bag
with notebooks,
pencils. She was strong, healthy,
even after two and a half years
of genocide. Her father walked her
to the tent where school was being held.
She was happy to go to school again.
She wanted to learn.
They were practicing subtraction. The teacher
read out the questions; Ritaj
wrote them down. Minuend.
Subtrahend. Her earnest hand,
her careful writing. Her happiness,
that she knew she’d be able to calculate
the differences. What
would remain. By the time
the teacher finished
reading the questions, soldiers
had burst in. Had fired their shots.
The questions all there, in neat
columns, perfectly written,
on the paper in front of Ritaj.
Her classmates looking on
in horror. There were
no answers. No answers.
Instead of answers, a child’s blood.
This child. Ritaj. Who died
with the answers all in her head.
Whose father was called,
an hour after he’d left her,
to come and pick up her body.
Day 917
for Haitham al-Masri
His mother holds up a photograph:
a thin boy in a light blue t-shirt,
looking straight at the camera,
smiling. 2024. After a strike
on the camp in Rafah
where his family was staying,
the boy went missing; no one
has heard from him since. Is he
alive? Is he languishing
somewhere, in some
detention center? Is he
being tortured? Does he
look anything like he looked
when the picture was taken?
Another boy who was detained,
then somehow released, tells
Haitham’s mother he heard
Haitham’s name spoken
where he himself had been imprisoned.
His name. The one thing
that can be sure about him.
Haitham. What
he was called from birth.
The two syllables
his mother called out
at the last moment, the moment
before he disappeared.